DOC-U-MENTING

PONDERING 2008

I am so inspired right now.

1. I've found my ultimate true resolution for 2008.
2. I've figured the mysteries of myself out.
3. I'm going with it.
4. The voice of Sara Bareilles transforms me.
5. Books by women who gave up everything to find themselves are my muses and heroes.
6. The possibilities of creating are endless.

    I'm a wide-eyed, hopeful, dirty procrastinator. I'm sensitive and bitter, eager and anxious and most definitely contradictory. I'm becoming more and more aware as each day passes and reaching for my ambitions without doubt for the first time since I was probably four years old. This time, I'm truly seeking growth and change, to shed my old skin and emerge as a transformed Mae. I'm happy with who I have been, but I'm ready to become more. I'll be turning another year older next month and I feel that it's time for me to take all those dreams, plans, and to-do lists and put them into action. To finally believe it, see it, and know it all to be more than true, more than my reality. Life is cruel, but life is beautiful and powerful. It's not meant to be easy or simple. It's an abstract chaotic test of yourself and potential. It's up to us to make our lives be what we desire. We can't wait for things to happen anymore. (note to self note to self). Life and even our smallest accomplishments need to be celebrated daily. We need to appreciate, respect, love, and rejoice for the chance to comprehend, feel, and create. These are gifts that too many of us continue to overlook. I don't want to be that blind individual anymore. I can talk a lot of talk but when it comes time to solidifying something, I become terrified of the quest ending. It's the journey I enjoy most, so when the destination arises, I shy back. I need to stop putting dreams on hold for fears. It was time years ago, but it's never too late now. But truly, it's now or never.

        Dear 2008:
            I resolute to be myself, fully and truly uninhibited, flawed,
        strong, and even lost. To not be what is assumed and expected
        of me but to finally become the ME that's within, no masks, just raw.
        Whether it is good enough or not. To think thoughts that will only
        lift me up closer to my desires and to avoid ones (including people)
        that weigh me down or hold me back. To question every single thing
        that crosses my path, mind, and heart. To dissect it, tear it apart
        and to build it back up again, but stronger, in order to be able to
        understand it, and ultimately appreciate it and absorb its rewards.
        To accept and embrace opportunities as well as challenges and to
        never, ever, shy away from what's truly bursting from within myself.

         Resolution 2008: To live a creative and celebratory life.
                        -->   For me, this sums up everything I'm seeking in 2008.
                                That one simple sentence will remind me to continue
                                to create and believe in myself and to be aware and
                                live a joyous and thankful life (no fear or doubt allowed).


    I've learned much throughout 2007. I've discovered even more about myself. For 2008 I want to reinvent what it is I've uncovered within and around me, and make it better, to define it so that it's more than real, it's concrete. Change offers growth, which offers the greatest gift of all: wisdom. I'm scared to cross another year off, but I'm anticipating what the upcoming days have in store. Embracing the inner nerd and possibly OCD ridden person that I am, I have created a list of 8 specific things that I will accomplish this year, no if's, and's, or, but's. However, I will add one extra; 8 for the year (2008) and 1 more for good luck.

        1] Consume & spend wisely
        2] Improve health with yoga & smarter eating habits
        3] Complete tattoo work
        4] Communicate powerfully
        5] Relish in compassion & patience
        6] Take the actual steps to advance career & dreams
        7] Read 1 new inspiring book a month
        8] Throw 1 themed party a month- to keep friends close,
              and have an excuse to celebrate.
       +
        *9] Make love & time for art, creating, & writing weekly.
       
                *note: devote love & time to the things that make you
                              feel the most complete & happy. No question!

               
    It's as simple as that. Focusing my energy and thoughts on these goals and ways to live will make it all that much more attainable and real. This would perhaps make a good journal recipe, hmm? I'll get on it. :)

;MJ

Strange Stumblings

"The train purrs and I'm awake at 3 a.m. feeling ill and icky.
House is noisy as it breathes in the December winter chill.
Bodies rise and chests wheeze, bitten by the bug.
Insomniacs unite during this time by clever means of
internet connections and the homeshopping network.
Feeling like a child, trying not to get caught,
trying not to disturb."



"Another year just about to be crossed off---done.
What can I say about 2007? I've definitely lived
in the moment, and certainly have slowed down
and changed perspectives. My relationships are
becoming stronger but in that grown up kind of
way. I've grown as an artist, stumbling onto my
niche. Defining myself as a person has been the
adventure of choice while discovering the earth
within and all around me. I've learned it's about
the simple and understated elements in life. I've
learned that it's about right now and everyone
I've met and yet to meet."

;MJ

P.S. Happy Holidays! Sorry for the lack in posts and inspiration.
The holiday season has kept me beyond busy but as things
are slowly settling down I am finding more time for new
creations, and I promise that with the start of the new year
it will bring new articles and inspirations and journal recipes.
I'm working on it, always have been and always will :D
Muah XXO!

Open-ended

I heard somewhere that thoughts become things. So, if I choose to only
think sweet and positive ponderings then perhaps I won't feel the burden
and pain of things gone wrong. I should put my energy into the results
I want, not the fears that I'm afraid I can't escape.

Dare to love yourself,
open-ended.
That means, allowing yourself to have flaws,
to make mistakes and fumble and fall along the way,
to grow and evolve and transform from these moments.
You will always be transitioning and reinventing as you
(gracefully) age in this life. There is no way to formulate
one conclusion of yourself right now. It's impossible.

"You know, I am always growing emotionally and I'm very aware of
everything that I go through and that I experience personally. I'm
always learning something new about myself, whether it's a good or
bad thing, that I need to work on. A lot of things make me sad.
Sometimes it's almost easier to be sad. But you do end up
finding a balance and I think that as I get older I am
learning what I can do for myself to make me happy."
--M-K

;mj